i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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