I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
