I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
