You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
