Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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