I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
