she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
People with herpes should wear stickers.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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