That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i think i have two assholes
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
