This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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