Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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