I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
a search helicopter?!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
