I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
