one word: firstdatebathroomanal
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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