took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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