i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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