i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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