You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Drunk walkin through police station. America
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
