If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
