mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
