I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Oh god it's open bar.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
