i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
as a side note pls kill me
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
