My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
