Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
