Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize