fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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