pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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