my mouth tastes like poor choices
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
