This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
