apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
