I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
