he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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