Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
