I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
