I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
All the doctor said was why
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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