Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize