I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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