Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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