LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
