Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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