it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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