I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
