I got chris browned last night
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
