I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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