Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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