No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
