The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
