her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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