So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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