Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
