The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize