it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
