Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Semen is not good for contacts.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
