OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
