I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
