You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
