I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
