Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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