Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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