he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
