u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
