Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I didn't shave. On purpose
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i would punch a child for taco bell
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
