I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i think my tv is drunk
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
