remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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