with your own penis?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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