How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
