she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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