but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
