The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
