I cockslap morals
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
