Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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