I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
