One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
