CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think your dad took our porno
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
