I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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