Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize