You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
