Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize