i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
