her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
