I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
