Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize