here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
