Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
