im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
