So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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