physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
