u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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