I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
