Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
