So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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