I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sext me about skeletons
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
