My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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