Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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