Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You dont lie about slip and slides
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh god it's open bar.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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