STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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