Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
