New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
