woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So vagazzling was a success
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
