hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
