Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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