I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
